Determining how to engage in online conversations can be tricky as a digital pastor.
When should I speak, and how?
Should I weigh in on every cultural debate or remain focused on ministry?
One recent example is the ongoing discourse around the band Lawrence.
Whether you've heard their music or not, the heated reactions to their latest album reflect a broader issue we face online: the rise of a new parasocial relationship.
For those unfamiliar, Lawrence is a band that has gone viral multiple times on TikTok. Their newest album has sparked mixed reactions—some people love it, others dislike it, and some dismiss it because of the band’s supposed “nepotism.” While these opinions are valid in their own right, what fascinates me most is how the conversation has unfolded. It's not just about the music—it's a reflection of how we engage with others online, even when no real relationship exists.
Understanding Parasocial Relationships: A New Normal
In the digital world, parasocial relationships are one-sided connections in which a viewer or follower feels a bond with a content creator or public figure even though the relationship isn't mutual.
Think of a YouTuber you follow regularly—over time, you might feel like you know them personally, even though they have no idea who you are. Traditionally, this was limited to celebrities or big influencers. But now, anyone with a couple hundred followers can experience parasocial dynamics.
Now, that means that the toxic side of parasocial relationships can happen to anyone, too.
The issue arises when people mistake these one-sided relationships for genuine connection or when the person with power in the relationship takes advantage of the person with less power. On TikTok, YouTube, or Twitch, it’s easy to feel like you're part of a conversation with a creator, especially when the algorithm feeds you their content. But most of the time, these interactions are impersonal. This parasociality once limited to celebrities, is now the norm, creating a false sense of community that can be toxic if unchecked.
Digital Church and the Parasocial Trap
This phenomenon has profound implications for digital ministry.
Many critics of online church argue that it can’t replicate the embodied relationships found in physical spaces. And they’re partly right—if the digital church is reduced to parasocial interactions, where congregants passively consume content from a pastor they admire but don’t know personally, it's not truly "church."
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The key is creating social relationships, not parasocial ones.
At Checkpoint Church, for instance, we avoid calling our Twitch channel our “church.” It’s where our church streams and reaches new people. Not unlike any other church plant and the coffee shop—the coffee shop isn’t the church, right? It’s more of a front porch, a space for initial engagement and outreach.
Our actual “church building” is on Discord, where we focus on fostering genuine relationships. This is where we hold conversations, share life updates, and build a community that mirrors the embodied nature of the traditional church and provides means for discipleship, spiritual growth, and worship.
Bridging the Gap: From Audience to Community
To understand the difference entirely, let’s examine how digital platforms shape our interactions.
On Twitch or YouTube, content creators can amass thousands of viewers, but interaction remains limited to a chat box or comment section—a more passive than personal experience. It’s not impossible to create an embodied experience on either of those platforms, but it’s not normative.
Compare this to a Discord server or a Zoom call, where everyone is on equal footing, and honest conversations can occur. This distinction is crucial for digital ministry.
Platforms like Twitch or YouTube work well for evangelism and outreach, but building a church community requires more than just an audience. It requires spaces where people can truly connect, share, and grow together. Discord, for example, is where our community members move from being passive viewers to active participants.
It's not just about consuming content but engaging in relationships that reflect what church should be: a body of believers in genuine community.
Practical Steps for Building Real Community Online
So, how do we avoid the parasocial trap in digital ministry?
Here are some practical steps:
Choose Platforms Wisely: Not all platforms are equal in fostering real community. Twitch is excellent for live interaction, but it’s limited in its ability to deepen relationships. Consider using platforms like Discord, Mighty Networks, Slack, and even Facebook Groups, where interaction is more consistent and personal. Build spaces where everyone can contribute meaningfully.
Encourage Interaction Beyond Content: Don't let your online ministry revolve around your sermons or streams. Create opportunities for your audience to engage with each other. Hosting discussions, prayer groups, or casual chats on platforms like Discord can move your community beyond passive consumption to active participation. Consider building into your discipleship pathway a milestone where people will commit to transitioning from consumer to contributor.
Prioritize Embodied Digital Relationships: Yes, online churches can have genuine relationships! But it requires intentional effort. Make sure you’re creating spaces for genuine interaction—where people are known and cared for and where they contribute to the church's life. Digital tools like video chats, group discussions, and private message threads can replicate the embodied nature of traditional church relationships.
Measure Success by Community, Not Audience Size: In digital spaces, it’s easy to think that more viewers equals success. However, for a church, success should be measured by the depth of relationships. Are people moving from anonymous viewers to known community members? Is there accountability and mutual care happening within the group?
The Lawrence Discourse as a Reflection
Returning to the Lawrence debate, the conversations we see online are often a symptom of this broader parasocial trend. People critique the band as if they’re personally invested in their success or failure, but neither side of the debate is truly relational. Just noise, amplified by algorithms, makes these parasocial connections feel real.
As pastors and digital leaders, we must avoid falling into this same trap in our ministries.
We’re called to create spaces where people are more than just fans or followers—they are part of a community. Building an audience is not enough. We need to build real, embodied relationships, even in digital spaces.
The internet will continue to foster these one-sided relationships, but the church must rise above that. Whether you’re building your ministry on Twitch, YouTube, or Discord, the goal remains to cultivate an authentic community where everyone is known, valued, and connected.
World 2-7 Complete
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Q: Why did the digital minister bring a computer mouse to Israel?
A: They heard that the Dead Sea Scrolls.