What am I doing here?
Confession, Vision, and Digital Ministry Reorientation
I’ll be honest — I’ve had a tough time with this newsletter recently.
Every time I’ve sat down to write something, there is just something wrong inside my heart. At the root of this discomfort, I think that the Internet just feels different in 2025. It’s darker. More tense — like there is danger lurking around every corner.
In a fleeing from that tension, I’ve leaned into this newsletter as a security blanket of algorithmic dependence. Put differently: I know a bit more about how to ‘make it’ online now. I’ve learned a good bit about how to play the game.
But it rings a bit hollow.
That’s not to say that I don’t think that the articles I’ve written so far this haven’t been useful. I believe I’ve done some of my best work this year.
Yet, amid that focused success, I’m not really doing what I want to do here.
The best thing I’ve done is launching the Digital Missional Network, of that there is no doubt. And I think I’ve written some vital insights into the world of digital ministry. But I think that I’ve lost some of the vision for this space serving those explicitly called to nerd ministry.
At a minimum, I’m finding myself turning away from articles I’d really like to write because they don’t fit the niche I’ve built here. I don’t like that. But I’m honestly not sure what to do about it.
As I write this, I’m even questioning if this is worth posting. I find myself asking: “Who cares?” I want to cry out to my logical brain that the one who cares is myself. Aren’t I worth writing for? Can I serve myself in this work?
Anyway, all of this is really just a peek into my brain right now. The more important work is what I will do about it.
A Vision for What’s Next
Over the past few months, I’ve been slowly honing my vision for my work.
One part of this is related to a significant project I finished a few weeks ago, which took quite a bit out of me creatively (more on that later).
But another is that I want to more fully realize who I am amid all this work. I’ve always presented my work as a practitioner, which won’t change. But I’m also trying to own my role as a theologian and academic in this space.
What does it look like to write, think, and pastor at the intersection of anime, video games, technology, pop culture… and faith?
Like this… I loved this post. But I got so obsessed with running a proper paid subscription that I got distracted. I’ll be unlocking all of the Saturday Side Quest blog as of this post. That’s no longer a perk of being a paid subscriber.
That’s where my vision is leading me. I want to do more in that arena. I want to keep offering insight into practitioner tips, sure. But I also want to really think about these things and be a voice for them. I want to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. I’ve been walking the walk, but how do I talk the talk?
The word that is bubbling to the surface here is permission. I need to grant myself the permission to step into this work to which I’m called with boldness and confidence.
I’ve bound myself to the chains of the bare minimum. I’ve told myself that I need to do what will perform well for the algorithm. But maybe, in the flurry of AI slop and mass production of content, I need to refocus my efforts on depth, not width.
An example: I’ve recently pivoted on our Checkpoint spaces from always utilizing AI clipping websites to more intentional short-form content creation. I turned to AI because I was told that daily content was what was expected. But if everyone has access to that mindset and can create daily content with minimal effort, who stands out? I’d rather be a well-crafted thread of the tapestry of the World Wide Web than a hastily thrown-together strand.
What does this mean for you?
Almost certainly — nothing. Hopefully, the only meaningful impact on you, dear reader, is more of me bleeding through the e-ink on your screens.
I still fully intend to promote, curate, and lead the Digital Missional Network, which is the only tangible benefit for becoming a paid subscriber to this newsletter. All other benefits support a writer like me in this work that I’m offering the world free of charge.
The focus for the writing will also remain unchanged. Digital-first ministry is my bread and butter; it’s hard not to write about it when I get started. I want to bring out more of the nerd portion of that concoction, but that isn’t a re-focusing; it’s an orientation this was always supposed to have.
If nothing else, I suppose this diatribe can serve as a sort of reminder for myself, the subscribers of this newsletter, and those who are wondering if they should hit subscribe or run far, far away from this rant. I’m not doing this work for the algorithm, I’m doing it for us. For flesh-and-blood innovators who want to pave the way forward for the digital natives who need to know they matter.
So, if that still fires you up, then I’m so glad you’re here. Share this newsletter with others who need to be fired up to do that work, too.
It's way too easy to fall into the "what will work well for the algorithm" trap? I find myself stumbling here consciously and unconsciously with my shortform running videos. Make a video about celebrating and centering LGBTQ+ people? Bring on the rage bait! Not to say message like that aren't needed but always good to know my motivation. WHY am I doing it? And most importantly, I want to think about real people, not an ambiguous algorithm. Yeah, there's a nice dopamine rush when something hits new numbers, but helping one person is always "good enough" and "good enough" is always the goal.
(And really, I'm with you on giving permission to just write and explore what I want to write and explore. Authenticity more than projected polish.)
I am eager to see where you go next. I'm glad you are giving yourself permission to write about whatever excited you without worrying about whether it's what's "expected". Without limiting yourself, we'll all just get more of your thoughts - always a good thing!